A Dirty End to 2006

Welcome back riders; thank you for joining us for another commute to work ... the last commute of 2006! Well, I was really hoping that my business partner and I would be discussing something that would be intelligent and stimulating for you, to bring 2006 to a nice close, but we weren't able to fight our natural predisposition to fall into the degrading (but surprisingly comfortable) position of talking about all things sexual, which should come as no surprise to those of you who ride along with us often. So, the topic for today .... things (words, expressions, etc) that sound dirty, but really aren't. We have quite a talent for making anything sound sexual, but what we talked about today are things that didn't even require our manipulation to sound dirty.

I no longer recall how we got started on this, but our first line of discussion was common words or expressions in the English language that sound dirty, and not just to us. To confirm our immaturity for everyone (not that it's likely there's anyone that doesn't already know this) I have compiled a list of our top ten picks (out of the seemingly endless list that sounds dirty to us). Here they are (you have my apologies in advance):

10. cocktail - is that what that growth is?
9. kumquat - fruit or vegetable? Not sure, but I'm sure not trying it.
8. assassin - I just think "ass-ass-in" is funny
7. blowhole - rather see one on a whale than the wall of a bathroom stall
6. humpday - I really wish there was one of these, rather than just my birthday and Valentine's Day
5. cum laude - not sure exactly what this means, but I did't finish top of my class either
4. Bangkok - I don't think I'll visit, but I hear it's popular with the ladies
3. caucus - they sure do give it to us whenever they can
2. clean and jerk - what my business partner does every Friday night; no, he's not a weight lifter
1. homo erectus - 'nuff said

I was thinking of leaving it at that, but I can't stop myself (I know it's pathetic, but everyone has to be something). Here are a few more that didn't quite make the top ten list: shuttle cock, angina, cocky, cumin, rimshot, knee jerk, horticulture, pussywillow, seaman, uranus, tight end, motherlode, homogeneous .... ok I feel dirty enough to shower now.

It's things like this discussion that often make us reflect upon our likelihood of ending up in Court someday, defending the actions we took or things we said, etc .... which brought us to also think today about those things we may hear in Court that can also be construed (mostly by people like us - which is why we'll be in Court in the first place) as dirty. Here's our top ten list of things heard in Court that sound dirty, but really aren't:

10. I'd like to examine her in camera
9. That was one hard judge
8. He was about to blow it, so my lawyer withdrew at the last minute
7. Should we leave the handcuffs on?
6. He committed a penal offense
5. This is going to be quick and dirty
4. I'd like to see her briefs
3. Let's do it in Chambers
2. I want you to get me off
1. I'd be happy with a hung jury

If I don't stop now I may actually end up in Court, so that's it for this year. Thank you all for reading in 2006. I hope you have a very Happy New Year; I'll pick you up again next week. in the meantime, keep your eyes on the road ... and mind out of the gutter.