Safer Roads with Safer Sex

Well hello folks; thanks for joining us for another commute. We had a very interesting and rewarding view from the front seat today; a HUGE difference from yesterday. Yesterday was certainly a day I'm trying to forget, but today .... today was a good day.

Signs, signs, everywhere are signs ... but it's not the road signs that are the most important signs when driving anymore. Based on a study I heard about today, I am very pleased to inform you that you are travelling with a couple of the safest drivers on the road when you join us for our commute to work ... the view from the front seat, if not interesting, is at least safe. Apparently, InsuranceHotline.com has recently completed a study of 100,000 North American drivers over the past 6 years and have found a significant correlation between driving safety and astrological signs, moreso than other factors (like age). Here's the great part .... Leos (those born between July 23 and August 22 - like ME) turned out to be the best drivers on the road (based upon number of traffic violations and accidents). This is great for three reasons:

1. I have now received the recognition I so dearly deserve for my driving abilities,
2. I have scientific evidence that my business partner Robert, who I carpool with, is not as good a driver as me, and
3. I found out that Leos are also "bedroom acrobats" .. not that I didn't already know that, but it was nice seeing it in writing. I know that has nothing to do with driving, but it's obviously worth pointing out, don't you think? There was one other site that labelled Leos as "egotistical," but there obviously mixed up.

However, the fact that Robert's Astrological Sign, Geminis May 21 - June 20), fared second best in the study, calls the results somewhat into question for me. It is true that he has never actually gotten us into an accident or received a ticket (when I've been there), so I guess the results may "technically" be valid, BUT I'm certain that a study with a slightly different focus would demonstrate that Geminis are the luckiest drivers on the road ... because we have had a pile of very close calls with him driving.

Who's the worst you ask? According to the study Libras (September 23 - October 22) are the worst, followed by Aquarians (January 20 - February 18). I am currently trying to teach an Aquarian to drive, so I can vouch for the validity of the study. I do feel bad, however, because it's obviously not her fault (although I thought it was in the beginning) ... it's her parent's fault. Now, if you've been paying attention to previous postings you'll know that Robert and I are problem solvers ... and here's another solution to one of the world's problems, road safety.

If we all work together, we can eventually eliminate the two worst groups of drivers on the road, thereby improving the safety for everyone on the road AND decrease our insurance rates. Are you on board so far? Good. So, all we have to do is practice safe sex between the following dates: April 20 - May 18 and December 23 - Jan 22. If we do that we will eventually eliminate (but for the odd oooops, if you know what I mean) all Libras and Aquarians, leading to much safer driving and more affordable insurance. Ok, so December 23 is coming up on us quickly folks, so make sure you get to the Pharmacy now, pick up your protection and be part of the solution. Oh, and if you're an Indian man and the condoms are too large, call Germany quickly and see if you can get in on the spray on condoms they're testing.

Ok folks, that's it for today; we'll pick you up again tomorrow. In the meantime, keep your eyes on the road ... there are lots of Libras and Aquarians out there.