Ok, why are you people here, rather than out shopping? You only have a few short days left. Actually, why am I writing this and not out shopping? Now would probably be a great time to start. Oh well, I guess I should hit the malls, but before I go I want to tell you about the view we had from the front seat today during our commute to work. There's only one thing for two pretty cool, masculine (aside from the whole metrosexual thing) guys to talk about this time of year ... drinking! This is exactly what some of the leaders of certain countries must have been doing when they came up with some of their annual Christmas customs.
You know, I'm not saying that all of our Christmas customs or figures make complete sense; we do, after all, cherish a flying reindeer with a red nose that glows so bright it can lead a sleigh full of presents and a fat man across the night sky to deliver presents to every house in the world, but we're nowhere near the wackiest. Take for instance "El Caganer," (who always gets Santa saying "Oh Oh Oh" everytime he gets to Spain) also affectionately known as the ... um .... great defecator. Now the great defecator, of course, is a peasant who you can see in nativity scenes squatting behind rocks, with his butt exposed, taking care of business. I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with that ... it's a perfectly natural function ... and most people have surely found themselves in a situation where time was of the essence, so they've found places to go that were a little more connected with Mother Nature than the special place in your home. What I am a little curious about is how this could play such, as the Associated Press reported recently, "an important role in Christmas festivities."
Apparently the tradition dates back to the 17th century agricultural societies, where defecation more or less symbolized health and fertility. I think it may also have had something to do with the bad drugs they had in Spain back in the 17th century. But people today are obviously smoking the same stuff, as many place statues of the Great One (and I'm not talking about Wayne Gretzky) on their mantles and even worse ..... Apparently pastry shops around parts of Spain sell "treats" that are shaped like feces. I can tell you my favorite has always been the chocolate poopsicles, narrowly beating out the candy poopcorn .. that some people also string around their trees.
Being true role models, the parents in Catalonia make sure the children have an opportunity to participate in the celebration of their customs. On Christmas Eve the children play a game where they beat a hollow log (that wasn't even my joke), called the "tio," trying to get the presents out that are stuffed inside (that's correct ... they beat the shit right out of it). While doing this they sing a song (that I think is called "Have Yourself a Shitty Little Christmas") that urges the tio to poop out the presents from the other end. No, I'm not making this crap up (sorry for all the defecation references, I just can't hold it in ... I have verbal diarrhea I guess).
The moral of the story is, for all you folks out there who get depressed around Christmas because of all the shit you have to deal with, just remember .... it could be shittier. I hope you can take solace (or an enema - if that's how you roll) in that and get yourselves through to the New Year. I just hope crap like this doesn't ever gain in poopularity around these parts because, let's fece it (I mean face it), that custom is freaking weird. Again, I'm really sorry for all the shitty jokes.
That's all for today folks. So until next time, keep your eyes on the road .... not on the guy in the bushes.
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