Welcome back folks; it's time for another ride into work ... I'm glad you could join us. I had a very clear view from the front seat today, as we discussed a topic I am all too familiar with ... that humans, despite what the scientists have told us, may not, in fact, be the most intelligent species on the planet. I've known that humans can't be the most intelligent species since around the time I started carpooling to work with my business partner, Robert (or "Little Einstein," as he's sarcastically known around here). To further demonstrate my theory, which Little Einstein, of course, didn't completely understand this morning, I will share with you a few real life examples from recent news (from the Associated Press).
Let me start by passing along a little story about a friend of Little Einstein's from Kansas, Wichita to be precise. Like many unfortunate people, this guy had the unpleasurable experience of being the victim of an armed robbery, at his home. So, like any reasonable victim, he dialed 911 and reported the theft. However, this theft was a little different from any I've ever heard reported before ... a shotgun wielding crook stole his entire pound of marijuana that the reporting victim was attempting to sell! Do you think maybe the victim was performing a little "quality assurance," before he reported the theft or do you really think the guy just missed the potential flaw in his strategy? Anyway, not surprisingly the Police brought in a drug-sniffing dog (who was obviously much smarter than the victim) who found more marijuana and drug paraphernalia in the house, leading to possession with intent to sell charges. "Oh damn .... right .... the Police frown upon me selling drugs ..."
"T'is the season to be stupid, fa la la la la ...." We all experience the pressures that go along with Christmas; lots of presents to buy, but not lots of money. I can certainly understand why some feel they have to resort to crime to capture the "Spirit of Christmas." It is better to give than to receive, after all. I guess I've been fortunate enough, however, to never feel as desperate as a guy in Detroit did recently when he decided to scam Walmart out of approximately $850 with a bogus (poorly photocopied) check ... um ..... during their annual "Shop with a Cop" event. Yes, that's correct, our poor friend who's evolutionary process obviously stalled near the chimpanzee side of things (I know, that's not being fair to the chimps) pulled his car up next to the 40 marked squad cars in the parking lot and proceeded to perpetrate his very elaborate scheme (get cart ... load up with dream items ... proceed to cash ... ignore 80 uniformed Police Officers in store ... pass obviously bogus check). Shockingly, he was immediately apprehended. I didn't see the problem with the strategy either at first, but luckily, I have a friend, who's a dolphin, who spelled it out for me with a really cool waterproof marker.
Ok ... one more example and then I'll rest my case, so to speak. According to a recent survey, approximately 2/3 of Britons (I had to explain to Little Einstein that these were people from the UK ... not crackers) think that the Italian sauce "Arrabiata" is a sexually transmitted disease ... yummy. Not surprisingly, only 48% of these desperate dummies (I mean respondents) found body odor and poor personal hygiene to be a turn off. Interestingly, 80% of dogs surveyed have refused to hump a house guests' leg if they smelled bad. By the way, I heard that Interpol has now joined the investigation of the series of radiation poisoning incidents since the British Police have ordered the removal of all bottles of Polonium 210 from the pasta sections of British supermarkets.
Just thought I'd give you something to think about the next time you're bending over on the sidewalk to pick up the poop your dog just left for you ... who really is the smarter one????
Until next time ... no matter how sweet the view may be from the front seat, keep your eyes on the road people ....
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