Germans use their Heads

So Monday's here again folks, which marks the start of another exciting, surely insightful week of traveling with the boys from Cross the Line Designs on our commute to work, as we explain how we see things from our view in the front seat. Today the big topic for discussion was, as it is most days with us, yup, you guessed it ..... sex. People should stick with what they know best, right?

So if you're keeping up to date on your news (and if you're not, we'll make sure you know the most important things) you probably saw a story of how some clever Germans are using their heads, so to speak, to revolutionize our sex lives through the advent of a new, spray on condom. For those of you who strictly adhere to the "if it aint broke," (pun definitely intended) "don't fix it" mantra there apparently IS a problem with today's condoms (other than the little not 100% effective thing). Despite the current sea of options presented to you now in the "family planning" section (which has never made any sense to me, as you are planning NOT to have a family if you're visiting that area) of your local pharmacy, the German sex educators from the "Institute for Condom Consultancy" are catering to those guys who apparently need a condom to be "tailor-made" to their size.

The approach here is to develop a can which the lucky man will place his, um .... (oh God I can't believe I'm writing about this) ... tube steak ... into for a five second, 360 degree latex spraying, which will fit better and not slip (the why it doesn't slip part would scare the hell out of me). The makers are hoping the new condom (which I'm hoping they call "The Spray Job") will explode ... into the market by 2008 and will cost approximately 20 euros for the device and another 10 euros for the latex cartridges intended to be sufficient for 20 applications. For an additional 10 euros you'll be able to upgrade to the full wash, wax and spray model. Interestingly, the condom will also come in different strengths (no I'm not kidding), likely ranging from the "Why'd you even bother using this" application to the hugely popular with the ladies "Size DOES matter" application.

Although we are definitely supporters of the Institute's goal of "helping people enjoy better and safer sex lives," we do have a couple of comments and/or concerns. Firstly, how in the hell are we guys going to carry that can around in our wallets or pockets, like we do condoms today? We're going to still have to carry them with us for those occasions when we're out on the town and, you know, you meet someone. Will there be a belt clip like there is for your cell phone? If we have to carry a can anyway, maybe someone can create something like a tool belt where we can carry everything we might need to make the ladies think we're more than we really are. I have to admit it's going to be difficult to mask your expectations with the ladies when you're carrying around a big can (and will it be combustible like most aerosol type cans? Because that can be a problem too). "Is that a spray can in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

And is there really an Institute for Condom Consultancy??? If so, I wonder if there are any openings in their Quality Assurance section. I bet they have some real good benefits there ... The other thing the Institue should consider doing, since they have it as part of their name already, is CONSULTING with people. Perhaps their heads are bigger than mine (sorry), but I'm thinking that if they did a simple survey of guys (lets call it some consultative work) about whether they would stick the thing that is probably the most important thing to them into a can with mechanically moving parts to apply a rubber substance which presumably you have to peel off (if you're lucky), AND have to work at carrying it around with you when you go out, most men would probably say "um ..... no thanks."

That's all for today ... we'll pick you up again tomorrow.