The Boy with the Killer Voice

Well look who's back for another another exhilirating commute to work; you just couldn't stand not seeing the view from the front seat, could you? Welcome back; it's a pleasure to have you along for the ride. Well I have some amazing news for you today and ... of course ... a solution to one of the world's currrent problems.

Most of you have probably either seen, or at least heard of, the American Idol auditions currently being conducted across the U.S. In particular, you may be familiar with how bad some of the voices are of the youngsters who audition. Well, I don't think American Idol has yet experienced a voice quite as powerful as that of a young boy in China. Reuters has reported that the screaming voice of a four year old boy has killed 443 chickens .... now that's power. Apparently, all it took to motivate the young man to hit those killer high notes was a barking dog. The dog scared the boy, who then leaned over a hen house window and screamed for an extended period of time. Now let me give you a little nugget of information about chickens (or a chicken nugget, if you will); chickens LOVE live vocal performances. The chickens, who obviously hadn't seen a performance like this since Guns 'N Roses broke up, were worked up into such a frenzy that they all rushed (as fast as chickens can rush anyway) the performance area and tragically trampled each other to death. Observers indicated it looked like an angry mob at the end of a World Cup football match, but we all know how excited a bunch of chicks can get at a concert. The father of the boy with the golden pipes was ordered to pay 1,800 yuan ($230) to compensate the owner of the chickens. The good news is the boys father now has over 800 wings to serve the guys at his SuperBowl party.

In other news, which I'm going to tie into the chicken news later (because I have an amazing solution to offer), fighting intesified in Australia between the invading animal kingdom and the retreating humans. Regular readers will probably remember the launch of Phase 1 of the animal kingdom's offensive .... the mass invasion of the frontline cane toad soldiers. For those of you who missed the story, click on Australia Invaded - War Declared for the details. To follow up on the devastation left by the cane toads, the animal kingdom has now launched a very deadly second wave, code named .... Operation Snake Bite.

Apparently, the drought in Australia has driven snakes to invade urban areas in search of water. Since Australia has approximately 100 venomous snake varieites, 12 of which are capable of killing people, this is a large problem. In fact, in very tragic, sad news, two people have indeed been killed by attacking brown snakes (one of the victims was only 16 years old). Reuters reports that there are typically between 500-3000 snake bites each year, with the most common aggressor being the brown snake.

So, considering the effects of the cane toads coupled with the venomous snakes, Australia has a big problem to solve, which is why the military was called in during Phase 1. However, it doesn't look from my vantage point that the military is actually any match for the attacking animal kingdom. BUT, I have a solution which I think Australia will be quite interested in. AND all Australia has to do is support China when they start shooting down everyone's satellites. Why? Because that way, China may send over Kid Kryptonite to save the day. That's right, the four year old with the amazing animal blasting vocal weapon ... I hear South Korea's also paused their nuclear program to pursue the development of this new voice activated technology. What the hell can NATO do about that one?

Ok folks, that's all for today ... solving the world's problems really tires me out. I'll pick you up again tomorrow for the commute. In the meantime, keep your eyes on the road ... the animals are on the attack and they're smarter than us.