Our friends from Reuters (this blog would be completely fictional if it weren't for those folks) reported that the average woman, in exchange for a closet full of new clothing, would be willing to give up sex for 15 months, with 2% willing to give it up for 3 years. At first blush, it's amazing that they could survey 1,000 women from 10 U.S. cities and find that many women that haven't had sex before ... but then it occurred to me ... the vast majority of women say the opposite of what they mean. The people conducting the survey were probably male and they were trying to throw them off, but you won't fool me. I've been around enough to know things like when a woman says "nothing's wrong," you better look the frig out. And there are a million examples I could have used to demonstrate the whole "women mean the opposite of what they say" thing.
How are men different? Well ... simple ... alright, that slipped out, but it's true ... we're simple. If you ask 1,000 men (straight or gay) 999 of them (I've made an allowance for the one metrosexual guy in the bunch ... and that's not a guarantee either) will indicate they are not giving up sex ... for anything ... unless maybe it's more sex with more people ... or maybe watching girls have sex ... but you get the theme here right? And guys ... just in case I'm a little off on the "women not saying what they mean thing," make sure your little lady doesn't find herself in the position of having to make that decision ... get your freaking credit card out of that dusty wallet you keep stuffed in that cheap ass back pocket of yours and keep filling up that closet of hers on your own. There's nothing wrong with buying insurance, if you know what I'm saying.
I'll give you one more thing before I leave to demonstrate how men and women are different, again thanks to Reuters. A beauty salon in London claims it can give the ladies' hair the ultimate" shine (which I know is VERY important to women), with a new mixture that's no bullshit ... it's actually ... um ... bull semen, but only of course from the real thoroughbreds. Ok ladies, does that get you as excited as the bulls? The treatment takes approximately 45 minutes and involves massaging the bull semen and plant root mixture into your hair until clients reach the climax of the process ... beautiful hair.
How are we different on this one? Well ... women will actually do that, thinking it's great to have the beautiful hair. Men will just ask questions ... like the ones I'm about to, but never actually dream of doing it. Who came up with this and how??? I can understand it happening by accident, but not really with a bull ... and maybe not the plant root. Who's job is it to collect the "product" from the bulls and how many collectors do they lose in the process? Man, I thought I had a hard (sorry about the bad pun) job. How do they get it from the bulls? Does the bull get a little private time with a cup and a PlayBull magazine? Is it also something men can also do? If it means a semi-sexual situation with a lady, just hand most of a plant root and, baby, we'll be good to help.
Alright, that's definitely all I'm saying today; I'll be by again tomorrow to pick you up. in the meantime, keep your eyes on the road ... and hands off the stickshift (if you know what I'm saying).
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