One Hard Week for Iguana

Welcome back fellow commuters; it's nice to have you along for the ride. I have to tell you, the view we had from the front seat this morning was ... unexpected ... to say the least. A truly unbelievable story was the topic of discussion today and I definitely feel obliged to share it with you.

I worship a new God; his name is Mozart. Mozart is an iguana from Antwerp whose story may make you "stiffen" with admiration, pride, fear, jealousy, wonder and amazement (to name just a few of the emotions I felt). Mozart, the name that has been music to the ears of ladies all over the animal kingdom of late, has had an, um ... well ... erection for more than a week. Now there's a dude with no need for all of those Viagra ads. Alas, the story takes a dark turn ... there's going to be a beheading, so to speak; the type of beheading that will definitely get a rise, so to speak, out of any guy. That's right folks, poor Mozart has to have his penis amputated. Thought of this, of course, would be more than enough to solve the problem on its own for most men; however, unfortunately Mozart does not read or write in English, or whatever language it is they speak in Antwerp (I think maybe it's Antwerpian). Because of the language barrier, his head obviously isn't in the same place as everyone else's (I can't afford the therapy required to stop me from throwing the bad puns at you, so stop asking). Now that I'm thinking about it "Antwerp" is kind of a funny name for a place isn't it? Not very masculine anyway, but I digress (sorry).

To keep you on the same emotional roller-coaster I was on when I heard the story, the situation actually takes an upwards swing. Veterinarians have indicated that the amputation will not adversely affect Mozart's sex life. How can this be you ask? Well stupid, it's obviously because iguanas have an emergency backup system. Yes, I am saying that they have two independently operating love sticks (that's actually the proper medical term for penises in Antwerp). Before any of you smart-ass ladies ask, NO this doesn't mean that iguanas also have two brains. What this does mean though, is Mozart won't be able to pick up the twins anymore, but he'll at least still be a player in the one-on-one games. Now I think you'll agree that whoever labeled the lion as the "King of the Jungle" was a little uninformed, weren't they? Alright folks, that's all for today; I have to get groin (I mean going). I'll be by again tomorrow to pick you up again, so make sure you get yourself erect (my apologies once again) and going early. In the meantime, keep your eyes on the road ... you never know what may pop up in front of you.

By the way, as they always seem to be, the paparazzi were on hand taking some photos of Mozart, a la Britney Spears (those sick Bastards); if you're the type who needs a closer look, click here.