Cars aren't just for Driving Anymore

Hey hey folks ... welcome back for another wild commute. For those of you who drop in regularly, you already know that this blog is based upon the things that happen or are discussed during the daily commute to and from work for myself and my business partner, who carpool together. We spend a lot of time on the road and you wouldn't believe some of the things that come into our view from the front seat. Since we spend a good amount of time on the road, we were made uneasy (although we weren't surprised) by a recent report from Reuters.

Findings of a survey conducted by Nationwide Mutual Insurance indicated that 81% of Americans are doing things in their car other than completely focusing on driving. In case that doesn't alarm you on its own, here's some of the things that are going on (or were at least admitted to):

• 73% talk on the phone. I can't understand how we actually got through life before the advent of cell phones.
• 68% eat. That's way more lazy people than I would have guessed. Why can people not grab something to eat before they drive? I'm sure this is also quite tightly linked to the percent of people who are overweight ... because the lazy buggers are going through the drive-thru, stuffing their faces and putting everyone at risk. I'd like to know what percentage are Big Macs .... those friggers are definitely two-handers.
• 19% send text messages. Now this one really scares me. My phone has a keyboard on it to make it easier to send text messages than regular cell phones and mine takes some concentration to send a text message without driving. Nobody will convince me that these morons are actually watching the road.
• 5% read email. Same morons as above I'm sure.
• 19% fix their hair. If you're looking to die in a car accident, they have people who are going to fix your hair for you before you get displayed in your box ... so don't bother messing with your hair.
• 12% put on make-up. People, you're not going to get any better looking in the car than you were before you left. Why don't you jsut try getting your lazy ass up a few minutes earlier .... maybe you'll even have a better chance of getting that make-up on straight if you're not doing it in the car.
• 2% shave. I'm really starting to think that there are a lot of people (I'm not sure I can use that word but I don't have a better one yet) that haven't completely evolved from their monkey ancestors.
• 38% have admitted to driving a certain distance without having any recollection of doing so.
  Some drivers also admitted to changing seats with passengers, watching movies, painting their toenails (that's gonna need some flexibility to still keep your eyes on the road), nursing a baby (didn't Britney do something like that?) and putting in contact lenses (why do you need to see better if you're not looking at the road anyway?).
• 83% believed they are safe drivers. Ok, well .... hmmmm ..... wouldn't that leave 17% that don't believe they're safe drivers? Does anyone find it interesting that this group would still drive? Perhaps this is just that theory of natural selection thing at work ....
• This wasn't in the survey, but I've also seen people reading a book and brushing their teeth ... and I'm sure you have stories too ...
  

This just in ... a follow-up study has found that a whopping 100% of the people in the bullets above are complete idiots who should not have driver's licences and probably should not be permitted to be out of the house alone without supervision. Also according to the survey, the 18-27 year olds "multi-task" the most. Do you think there may be a link here to the fact that car accidents are also the leading cause of death for the same age group? Hmmmm .... I wonder.

Alright, that's all for today ... I'll pick you up for the commute again tomorrow. In the meantime, keep your eyes on the road ... oh forget it; if you're doing that kinda shit in the car, you're not intelligent enough to understand what I'm saying. I think I'm going to go now to get a bus pass. I'm thinking I'll stand a better chance in a vehicle that size.